I made it. Thirty days without pills. Wow.
I am feeling so much better. Who knew? :)
Now I think it's time to start on some service work. People have been so great about supporting me and my family in this time that we've needed them. Now that I'm starting to feel my legs underneath me, I think it's time to start giving back. The NA Basic Text and Just For Today both highlight service work to be a wide range of activities- anything from helping around the house, to helping a friend, to jobs in the community. Without going to fast, I feel like I'm ready to start on all three. I've been able to handle more chores around the house, from dishes and laundry to caring for the kids on my own without help. Yesterday a friend of mine was in a bind and needed a sitter for her little ones, and even though I wasn't sure how I would take care of five kids at once, I jumped in and said yes- not out of guilt, but because I truly wanted to help her like she had helped me, and I really felt I could. And the day went great! I was so proud of myself (and it doesn't hurt that her kids are fantastic). I've also started sending out resumes... I really think I'm ready to get back into the working world. I'd like to do something in the nonprofit sector, something where I can work with people that really need help. Of course, my family really needs me to go to work- we need the second income again- but I really think I'm ready, and that's a great feeling. My pain is well controlled, I'm not so worried about not being able to go to work because of it.
Part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm worried that something will happen to send me spiralling back. I have a good home support system, but I don't have a great NA support system, the kind with contacts and a sponsor yet. I'm still trying to get one. But I'm feeling better, and that's huge for my thirty day mark. I'm hopeful that this new year will be a good one for me and my family.
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