I'm reading the Basic Text and just finished the chapter about the Twelve Steps. In my humble opinion, there should be some sort of disclaimer at the beginning, like, "Could cause alarm" or "Be prepared to change your pants at multiple times." Or, at the very least, "You really CAN do this, other people have so it's reasonable to think you will too." It's so overwhelming when you read it all at once!
But I did read it and I started out on Step One. And I'm still on Step One.
I could be here for quite awhile.
Step One says, "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." The idea of admitting that I am powerless against something- I just can't do it (Am I powerless to admit that I am powerless? Hmm, something to think about...). In my heart, I know I can't control my use of certain pills, I could for awhile, but ultimately I just couldn't. It's the "I could for awhile" that keeps tripping me up. Also, using is a double-edged sword. I'm miserable when I use and miserable when I'm not. Granted, the miserable factor is decreasing (for the most part) now that it's been awhile since I've used. Some days the cravings are worse than ever, almost intolerable, and I just don't know what to do about them.
Gotta keep thinking about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment